Exit, Stage Left

As Noah wandered down the beige halls that contained him for four years, everything around him seemed to reek of an odd, intangible feeling. One that was, at once, familiar and totally alien. He saw the pictures of lacrosse teams and student councils, the teens posed the way they always were, but none of the faces sparked in his brain. He could remember the path to his blue painted locker like the back of his hand. Though he knew that it was not his. The band stickers would have been peeled away, new books would be stacked on the shelves, and nothing of him would remain in the metal box that housed so much of his teenage years.

Walking through those halls was nothing short of torturous. But it did not compare to turning the corner on where he spent more than three quarters of his time at that school. The atrium was exactly the same. Fake plants graced the corners and fliers for upcoming shows were pinned on the cork board behind the sliding glass door. Noah could picture the bags hanging on metal racks where his friends and family would leave notes, candy, and flowers for him after each show. He could picture Mr. Claney handing them out in the green room. He could hear the man’s voice, calling out the names of the other thespians with a proud gleam in his eyes. 

But, Noah knew it was only in his head. Claney wouldn’t call out names or design sets or conduct auditions ever again. The stroke had come as a shock to everyone, even the doctors. Robert Claney was a healthy man before finding out about his heart condition. Even still the doctors were completely confident that the minimally invasive surgery would go smoothly and without complications. They didn’t account for the blood clot lingering close to his brain. Claney had had a stroke, laying in his recovering room at Community Hospital North. 

Everything in the theater carried the weight of his loss. The box office looked as cluttered as it did before every play Noah ever took part in. But there was no show tonight. There were no tables set up, selling candies and flowers for parents to buy for their young actors and actresses. The smells of Axe cologne, sweet pea perfume, and hairspray were hauntingly absent from Noah’s senses. He felt like an outsider in the place he once called home.

Noah slowly paced through the empty foyer. He could hear the voices of his old stage mates on the other side of the cherry wood doors. They were speaking in hushed, halting sentences that Noah couldn’t make out. He turned away one last time, still unsure that this is where he should be. Then with one last breath to harden his resolve, Noah grasped the metal handle and pulled the heavy door back with a loud creak.

The conversations stopped. Dead silence crept over the rows of theater seating. Noah’s skin tingled as the tension in the air crept over him.

“Hi,” he said, raising a hand in an awkward, half-hearted wave.

Natalie moved first. Wiping her damp cheeks with the back of her hands, she slid from the edge of the stage where she was sitting and headed straight for him. Seeing her outstretched arms, Noah knew that there had never been a choice. He was meant to be here.

“You came,” Natalie whispered as soon as they enveloped each other, “I can’t believe you came.”

The short redhead released him and retreated back to the stage, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. One by one, Noah went around, greeting his old friends, hugging those he had been truly close to: Mackenzie, Lucas, Jacob. He looked to Kate and gave her a sad smile and a pat on the back. The two of them had never been close so why put on pretenses now? Then Noah settled down in one of the faded maroon chairs in the front row. Everyone was silent for a few minutes as they let the familiar sense of being together in that space sink in. It felt, for a moment, as though nothing had changed. Like the last six years hadn’t happened, and they were still eager young high schoolers, taking on the world, one musical at a time. But the longer they sat there the more Noah could feel the presence that was missing.

“Does anyone know when the funeral is?” Jacob was the first to speak.

“Oh god,” Kate’s eyes weld up again, “I hadn’t even thought about that yet.” Noah hadn’t either. Where would it be? Who would be there? He could think of a few of his former castmates that would probably try to steal the spotlight. The idea made his stomach churn.

Lucas threw an arm around Kate and gripped her tight as they cried together. Noah saw flashes of memories. Those two sneaking behind the curtains during shows and stealing juvenile glances during rehearsal. Lucas and Kate had dated on and off all through high school, but when college came around they were on opposite sides of the country. Noah wondered if they had even spoken in years. Then it dawned on him how horrible it must be for them to be drawn back together by this of all things. He thought that if they could make it work this time, maybe something good could come out of this.

Mackenzie stood up, abruptly, and started pacing at the edge of the orchestra pit. She paused, like she was about to speak, then clamped her mouth shut and started walking again. The others watched her. After a few seconds, she stopped again.

“Who is taking over now that he’s gone?” She said, her voice monotone.

“Uh. I don’t know, maybe Ms. Iris. She would make the most sense to be head of the department.” Noah looked around to see if anyone agreed. “I mean, right? She’s already the director.”

Sniffling, Kate looked back up from Jake’s shoulder. “Yeah she’ll probably be promoted.”

“I think she’ll do a good job,” Jake chimed in.

“Yeah,” Noah started again, “She’s been here almost as long as Claney. I can’t think of anyone–” 

“Seriously?!” Natalie interjected. “Why are you guys talking about who is being promoted? Mr. Claney is dead.”

“We know,” Kate chimed in quietly. “But I don’t think he would want us to sit around here all gloomy.” 

Natalie scoffed. “Oh, shut up Kate. You barely even knew him until your senior year so don’t act like you know what he would want.”

“Whoa Natalie,” Jacob said, voicing what all of them were thinking, “You need to calm down.”

“Calm down?” She said, shocked. “He was the one who guided us. He talked me through the hardest parts of high school, and now he’s gone, and you guys are chatting about who is gonna take his job! Are you kidding me?”

Claney had been there for every one of them. Noah could remember having a panic attack backstage before his first speaking role in Peter Pan. He was playing the part of Michael Darling, but he had never had more than three lines before. Mr. Claney found him in the boys dressing room, hiding behind a rack of pirate costumes. Noah couldn’t remember exactly what Claney had said to him, but just knowing that he was there and was rooting for him made Noah feel like anything was possible.

Noah stood and walked over to Natalie. Placing a steady hand on her shoulder, he turned to look back at the group. Many of them had a look of shame in their eyes. As if they felt guilty for not being visibly torn apart. Kate was no longer trying to hold back her tears, as they poured over her check. Noah racked his brain for the right words before he settled on the best he could come up with.

“Nat, we aren’t trying to be disrespectful.” Noah crouched down to be at eye level with her. “I guess… I guess we just don’t know what else to say.”

“I know,” Natalie said looking up from the spot on the floor between her feet. She made eye contact with Kate before continuing. “I’m sorry. I just don’t know how to deal with this.”

Jacob nodded. “It doesn’t seem real. Any of it. If I try to think about it for too long, everything hurts.” Noah sighed, sitting on the ground next to his old friend. He slumped under the gravity of the situation that had been thrust upon them. 

“Everything hurts because everything is different. I don’t even feel like I belong here anymore.” Natalie said, her voice shaking. The others scanned the theater, surely remembering the changing sets and flashing lights that made up their time there. Mackenzie slid down the opposite wall and folded in on herself on the floor. Kate locked eyes with Noah, her tear streaked face a mirror image of his own. He took a deep breath before replying.

“Where else are we supposed to be?”